maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
