Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
