so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
