I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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