just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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