I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
