I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
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