why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
