This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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