I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
