just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
