umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
