home. puking in laundry basket.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
This is classic penis vs brain.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
