Ambien. No doubt about it.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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