Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
