I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
