I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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