Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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