So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
