fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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