Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
