alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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