Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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