Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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