You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
