you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
