Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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