Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
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