You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
