She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
17 year olds will be the death of me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
