he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
