oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
