Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
