I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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