I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Randomize
