Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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