Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
