I'm laying in your front yard are you home
she woke up with a sticky ear
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
