Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
This is my gift to your gina
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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