He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You know, be my cock's hype man.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
