i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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