we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
