Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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