Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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