Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
