she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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