why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
