new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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