And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
