My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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