My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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