nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
