when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
