So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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