from now on my penis is your penis
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
