You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
