A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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