I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
