I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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