if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
